Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychologist, is renowned for having identified and delineated the “stages of grief”: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance…
The term “grief” should be understood broadly as the confrontation with any form of traumatic loss: the death of a loved one, coming to terms with illness, sudden change, catastrophe, disaster, job loss, social difficulties, divorce, and all forms of separation…
Any phenomenon that, in reality, places the individual face-to-face with the impermanence of life.
I have already discussed at length in a foundational article the notion of Depression as an “evolutionary phase” in relation to astrological factors, but it is also worthwhile to briefly review the other stages surrounding it to offer some guidance for navigating them more effectively.
Astrologically speaking, we immediately see the value in correlating the various planetary cycles with these stages to perceive more finely their durations and the overall progression of the grieving process.
Although it is fundamentally a linear process, even if advancement can be uneven, with occasional necessary backward steps to fully integrate the previous phase (regressions that can sometimes be likened to Retrogrades motions), it is important to understand that the sooner one reaches “acceptance” (the inevitable final stage), the sooner one becomes capable of rebuilding and moving forward (lighter, freer).
This psychological phenomenon is called resilience and often also involves notions of forgiveness (of oneself or others) when depression and acceptance give rise to remorse, compassion, or empathy.
To heal, to forgive, does not mean to forget, but more fundamentally to align oneself with that which is greater than oneself, that which transcends us, and simply to acknowledge “what is”, almost beyond judgment.
When we forgive, we are truly giving a gift to ourselves far more than to the other person.
Acceptance fundamentally corresponds to the refusal to continue carrying the weight of what destroys us…
Astrological Configurations Corresponding to the Stages of Grief
+ Shock, denial, anger: Often, a backdrop of heavy, underlying transits is present (Pluto, Saturn, sometimes Neptune, various karmic factors), and the shock is triggered by a fast-moving transit acting as a catalyst…
Often this is Mars (which, incidentally, has an undeservedly bad reputation for this), sometimes the Moon or Mercury; the Black moon should not be overlooked either, as it obviously activates neuralgic points and awakens fears, inhibitions, impulses, and frustrations, often through a very sharp aspect.
Here, the fast-moving transit corresponds to the spark that causes the house of cards to collapse.
Even if the most intuitive and receptive individuals may very well sense this kind of transit in advance (even without any astrological knowledge), there remains an element of suddenness, of destabilization, that triggers the crisis, or at least sets it in motion.
It is therefore important to identify as precisely as possible the triggering factor and the other astrological elements it activates, in order to gain the clearest possible understanding of the nature of the grieving process and its duration.
The chart cast for the moment of triggering can provide valuable information about the values being called into question, and it is this understanding that will foster better emotional management and, potentially, a quicker acceptance.
+ Bargaining, Depression: These are more mental and emotional phases, during which external Martian, Plutonian, Neptunian, and other influences continue to interweave…
Mercury, Uranus, the Moon, the water houses and signs, Retrogrades motions, all these various factors can intervene and accompany a phase of questioning, introspection, self-examination, and guilt.
I have had occasion to say this several times before, but it remains crucial to situate depression within its evolutionary dimension, not solely its pathological aspect, because in a sense it is the “crucible” in which we can recast our psyche to galvanize it, making it fit for life’s challenges and for living itself (a pain that is therefore useful, despite everything).
This stage of grief is profoundly important and can unfold over a variable duration, in a cyclical manner, with resurgences and sadder phases that may even reach the point of existential emptiness.
+ Acceptance: Understanding has been achieved and fully integrated. Astrologically, this often coincides with significant “phase shifts”: a change of sign or house for several key astrological factors, a shift in the elemental lunar cycle, or new major activations involving “life” more directly (Sun, Venus, 1st House, 5th House, Fire, etc) or significant transcendent elements (contacts involving Neptune or Uranus, also linked to the Sun or life-affirming factors).
Grief is now accepted and sublimated; it shifts from the status of a wound to become, even, a force that serves fundamental fulfillment.
Obviously, these are archetypal stages, and in practice they are never clearly delineated but tend to overlap.
Sometimes it is necessary to revisit certain stages multiple times in order to integrate them fully.
Certain Zodiac signs are more at ease with these processes of grief, death, and regeneration, foremost among them, obviously, Scorpio, of which it is the emblem (regarding Scorpio’s relationship to death, legend holds that when it feels surrounded by “fire”, it will even sting itself to bring about its own death).
Scorpio needs to dwell in a certain darkness, a psychological depth, which often leads it to exist in a kind of “permanent grief”, for the world, for itself.
But as Charles Vouga writes in his book “The Age of Aquarius”:
“Being disgusted with life, deep down, is just another way of loving it.
The people who tell you: ‘I’m ready to end it all, I no longer believe in life’, it’s because they believe in it too much, because their appetite for it is too great, and because they aren’t powerful enough to have what they want.”
Perhaps, ultimately, all grieving / mourning processes aim to help us simply and humbly accept what we have, who we are…